". . . amid th'encircling gloom"
Today Megan and I will go to the hospital so she can have her second D and C in the last thirteen months following this our fourth miscarriage since last summer. This time we heard a heartbeat on several occasions (the first time since May was pregnant with Adelaide) and we even made it eleven weeks before they think the little chunker stopped growing.
". . . the night is dark and I am far from home"
We are tired. We are confused. But I am following Megan's lead and we are hanging tough. We can't tell if this is a trial or a blessing. If we will have more children or not. If we should or not. Are we being tested in preparation for something? Or are we being spared a worse fate than this? I wish we already had the hindsight that parents have once their family is grown. We don't know which way to turn.
". . . keep thou my feet"
When I used to body board in the grand Pacific I learned a lot of life lessons. When out in the water I can paddle to catch a wave, paddle to avoid one, dive under waves or have the ride of a lifetime by dropping in on one. But if my board is pitched the wrong way, or turned too much against the currents and motions of the water and waves, I will wipe out. And that is how I feel right now. I've done so much paddling and diving under waves. They just keep coming. I've lost the shore and my sense of direction. At this point in life all I can do is say, "Which way should I point the board?"
". . . I do not ask to see the distant scene"
Sometimes I want to paddle just to paddle maybe. I want to see the whole picture and know every where I should go and everything I should do. Its like I don't want anyone's help. But I know we need it now. So don't tell me how far it is to shore and how big the wave is and how many submerged rocks lay below me. Just tell me which way to point the board. Then carry us.
". . . one step enough for me."
(The poem is by John Henry Newman)
We love all of you very much (sorry for the BYU cliche). We already can feel your love and support and if you ask if there is something you can do for us, there is. Turn around and hug your little ones that you have. Then hug them a little tighter. We'll do the same.
14 comments:
our thoughts and prayers are with you...
I hope you guys can get this all figured out. That must be the hardest thing - and I'm so sorry you're going through it. I don't have any kids to turn around and hug- so if you need ANYTHING, you just let me know. Need some dinner, or just a hug, or some doggies to play with - then hey, I've got it for ya! Let me know! I will pray for you guys! Love you! Jackie
Our HEART goes out to YOU GUYS,I know how heavy it must feel right now. We LOVE YOU and this too shall pass. Hang in there !
We are praying for you all. We love you and hope the time is soon when you can hold another little one in your arms. Ryley would love to have Adeleide over if you guys need some time together...
I love you my wonderful family. You are ALWAYS in my thoughts and prayers. Mim
We love you guys!!! Hang in there and know that we are all here for you if you ever need anything, ANYTIME. Remember that Heavenly Father knows us and maybe we don't understand why things happen, there is always a reason and He knows what's best for us. I do know that He loves you and, as hard as things are right now, everything will be okay.
So beautifully written. Know though, that you don't have to hang tough...that feeling confused, wiped out and tired is something that you should feel and not deny. It's part of the whole process I think.
The first time I attempted to surf a strong under tow caught my long hair and pulled me under. I kept fighting to get back to the top, growing tired and more exhausted with each attempt to get to that bright surface i would see above me. The advice that my Mom told me years before regarding the under tow and current came to mind then - "Don't fight it, even if you naturally feel like you should...just be still and eventually you will be pushed back to the top". I was still...and reached the surface shortly after.
You guys will make it to the surface. You're strong, beautiful and real. From what I have observed you are wonderful parents to a beautiful child who loves and adores you (and horses :D).
I'll be praying for you guys and that things get worked out and some answers are found.
i'm hoping my comment makes sense...
we have been thinking of you guys all day. we love you.
ps point the board at our house and we'll try to cheer you up with more cookies
Well done. And remember question number 2 - and know that I'll always remember our shared tears that day and how we talked then about going with the current and trusting to grace.
"I was not ever thus, nor pray'd that thou shouldst lead me on. I loved to choose and see my path; but now, Lead thou me on!"
I'm so terribly sorry! We love you guys and you are in our thoughts and prayers.
my heart is just breaking for you guys, i understand in a small degree the heartache over children and i know there is nothing really that i could say to make it easier. but i want you to know that you are in chris and i's prayers and thoughts. i know the lord can and will provide the comfort you seek at this time. i can't tell you how sorry i am. i hope your days get easier soon. love to you all.
Hang in there! I am so sorry to hear about your loss, and hope that they can figure out what is going on! Let me know if you guys need anything!
you two ar wonderful parents. i hope we will do as well as you have. love you guys and i'm sorry you have to go through this...
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