Tomorrow is the day. The day I experience something I hope to never experience again. I am nervous as can be, but relieved to finally get it over with. I know there are many women out there, way too many, who have also had a D & C. It makes me feel better knowing there are others who have gone through this with me, but on the other hand, so sad knowing how many have had to experience the loss of a child. I am emotional, scared, and anxious to get on with my life. I feel like this has been nearly 11 weeks for not. Even though we have known about this since last week, I didn't shed my first real tear until last night. It's finally reality and I can't believe this has happened to me. Doesn't that sound awful? I never thought it would, and here it is, like a fist in my face.
It's amazing how one can feel so indestructible and take so many things in life for granted.
Then something like this happens and it shatters you.
My plans are ruined and there is nothing I can do about it.
It has made me realize how small I am in this world and that my plans aren't necessarily the right plans.
There are bigger things out there that I don't even know about, and reasons beyond my comprehension and control. I asked the Doctor today if there was anything I could have done to prevent this, and of course, he said no. I knew what he was going to say, but I'd hoped he would have told me otherwise. I wanted to feel like I could have controlled it and changed it by something I did or could do.
I don't like being out of control!
So now I put everything in the Lord's hands. Sometimes I feel corny saying that, mostly because everyone says that. But it's true, I have to. I know I probably will not know the reason of some things, a lot of things actually, that happen in my life. At least right now. There is only one person that I can trust in to take care of me and my family in the meantime. I will pray for another chance and another child to raise.
Right now, I certainly love the one I have and cherish her every day. Even more now than ever. She has added so much to my life, I can't imagine life without her.
Wow, is that a weight lifted or what?
I'm still hormonally pregnant, so I apologize for the burst of emotion. Thanks everyone for your thoughts and prayers, we love an appreciate you so much!
It's amazing how one can feel so indestructible and take so many things in life for granted.
Then something like this happens and it shatters you.
My plans are ruined and there is nothing I can do about it.
It has made me realize how small I am in this world and that my plans aren't necessarily the right plans.
There are bigger things out there that I don't even know about, and reasons beyond my comprehension and control. I asked the Doctor today if there was anything I could have done to prevent this, and of course, he said no. I knew what he was going to say, but I'd hoped he would have told me otherwise. I wanted to feel like I could have controlled it and changed it by something I did or could do.
I don't like being out of control!
So now I put everything in the Lord's hands. Sometimes I feel corny saying that, mostly because everyone says that. But it's true, I have to. I know I probably will not know the reason of some things, a lot of things actually, that happen in my life. At least right now. There is only one person that I can trust in to take care of me and my family in the meantime. I will pray for another chance and another child to raise.
Right now, I certainly love the one I have and cherish her every day. Even more now than ever. She has added so much to my life, I can't imagine life without her.
Wow, is that a weight lifted or what?
I'm still hormonally pregnant, so I apologize for the burst of emotion. Thanks everyone for your thoughts and prayers, we love an appreciate you so much!
13 comments:
I know this is a difficult time, but know you aren't alone! I hope all goes well tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you! Let me know if I can do anything.
I'm so sorry about what you are going through. I had a miscarriage back in October 2003. Every year on the day it happened, my husband and I would cry together. It was something that brought us closer together. We eventually got pregnant again and now we have two kids. But I still get a little sad sometimes. This year was the first year I let the actual day go by without thinking about it. The due date for the baby was harder than the actual day.
My heart goes out to you. It's painful to lose a baby whether it's the beginning, the middle, or the end.
Good luck today. It's not a pleasant experience, but you will feel better once you have it over with. (plus they give you really good drugs after, haha) I really appreciated it when you said "I hate being out of control". That's EXACTLY how I felt, and after 2 D&C's and no babies, I still hate being out of control. You are right about turning it over to the Lord. I realize that it's all on His terms anyway and I'm at peace with that.
I am here for you.
I have thought of you so many times today. If crying helps, I am helping.
I so hope things went well today, I've been thinking about you all morning. Our prayers are with you. You are absolutely right to turn this over to the Lord... He is the only one that can truly walk you and your family through this, and get you to the other side of this trial. We love you guys!
I love you Megan and Davwy.
Happy Birthday Davey!!!
Jake and I love you both!
Love, Mim
I guess that should be Davey, not Davwy, LOL!! I don't have my contacts in to see properly.
Hi. I know you don't know me, but I was thinking of you today (Thursday) and hoping all went well for you. I am very sorry for your loss.
You have been in our thoughts and prayers. I hope today went ok. Your post made me cry and it's times like these that you wish you had the right words, but never seem to be able to find them. If nothing else, just know that you have so many listening and very sympathetic ears and hearts turned toward your family right now. You guys are such awesome people and the Lord has things all figured out, even when we don't quite understand His purposes. Hope the coming days are easier.
hi may, hope you are doing ok. i've been thinking of you lots.
I am so very sorry. I had to experience this as well and the emotional trauma is just not something that anyone should have to go through. You put into words how you're feeling perfectly...I hope you are feeling better.
I love you Meg...
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