09 March 2008

It Was Five To One, I Got Four

THIS IS A HUNTING STORY IN WHICH I KEEP AND BEAR ARMS WITHOUT INFRINGEMENT. IF THIS BOTHERS YOU, FEEL FREE TO COME BACK ANOTHER DAY. ALSO, STATISTICS SHOW THAT MOST PEOPLE THAT APPOSE THE RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS ARE ALSO PRO-ABORTION, HATE THEIR FAMILIES, KICK SMALL PUPPIES, DON'T TIP, HAVE ROAD RAGE, EAT BABY COWS, TAKE STEROIDS AND LIKE THE BEATTLES. GO FIGURE.

Hares and rabbits are as different as wolves and dogs. The Rabbit is domesticated, pretty much helpless in the wild and adorable. The Hare is ravenous, eats small animals and howls at the moon. Hares are vermin. Rodents. And I have it on good report that they are jerks.
I was recently invited to join my brother Kip, father Jimmy and May's father Papanig on a gun toting excursion. I was able to take out my Christmas present for only the second time. Bill (my gun) and I were anxious to get out and pull a Jed Clampett. Actually I was ready to settle for not getting "accidentally" shot by Kip.
We drove about sixty miles southwest of Provo to find our desired targets. Hares carry diseases, overpopulate (my green friends should understand the associated problems with that), and destroy crops. There are times when governments put bounties on them to control the outbreaks. Although this shooting was without reward and not on farmland, I felt I was doing my part. Kinda like my time in 'Nam.
For two hours all the hares I saw were hundreds of yards off and moving too quickly for my novice trigger. Just before getting to the car I had one run out in front of me and then take off under and through some trees. I tracked him on the freshly fallen snow for about fifty yards when I was led into an opening.
I waited.
Then it started. The first one ran by me so fast I knew I had no chance. But his wingman stopped to look around after I fired a shot or two. I took aim. With my hands still shaking from my natural shakes, I sighted in on my target. After dispatching him, two more hares made the same attempt at running by me. I got one of them on the run and let the other go (I had to reload) to spread his diseases so I could justify coming back out another day.
And then it was just my two new friends, Bill and me. My first two kills since The War. I was so proud.


I call the one on the right "Dead" and the other "Meat".
They were delicious*.
DISCLAIMER: I DID NOT ACTUALLY EAT THE HARES. THAT WOULD BE GROSS.

8 comments:

*ethan* said...

I'm am like a proud father...... honestly there is a tear in my eye.

Brandon and Meghan said...

You are buff. I wish I was there to celebrate your accomplishments.

Ranster said...

You have just inspired me. Not to go out and shoot small animals, but to bring all my paintball equipment with me to Utah for some REAL sport. I've got more than a dozen sling-shots and safety goggles, and i was having a hard time deciding if i should bring it all with me to utah or not. We'll get everyone together and see who the real hunters are when your prey can actually shoot back.

PS: I know what movie you got the quote from because i am buff. If you were any buffer you would've taken a picture of you drinking the hare's blood and then said, "It's not that bad, it's not that bad."

PPS: Good job not getting shot by Kip.

{natalie} said...

what is the difference b/w a hare and a rabbit??

nice work.

Cari said...

Did you make a "lucky rabbit's foot" necklace? Just wondering.

Anonymous said...

Love to see dead bunnies right before Easter. And don't say "they're not the kind that give eggs" because bunnies do not give eggs.

Kelli said...

Two summers ago i thought i would be a good little boy and plant a garden. So i spent a full saturday morning pulling weeds, another one going to the nursery to buy saplings and fertilizer, and another one planting 12 tomoto plants and 8 pepper plants. I was so happy, until the next morning when some rabid rodent ate all my crop. I was furious, I thought it was a deer, then i saw it, a brown colored fur ball laughing at me and admiring his work. My plastic bb gun did nothing. So I for one want to thank you for standing up for those of us who are victims to these heinous acts.

Kip said...

All I need to say is that my gun jammed. "Give me another rocket!"